we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
