Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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