so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
