I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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