that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
