he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
