My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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