Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
