not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
