just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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