can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
