put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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