who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
