New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
