make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
