I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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