i love accidental penises.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
