I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
