everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
