You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
