He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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