ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's rum buckets o'clock
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
