Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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