dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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