is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
