if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
