you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
