Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
