I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
