i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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