FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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