nut hugger
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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