My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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