It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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