i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
