got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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