i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We have started to decorate penises.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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