I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
