if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize