I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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