Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
