True but thats because hes a fetus.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
