Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
