I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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