My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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