Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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