My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We got so high we made milksteak
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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