hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
