dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
