this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
