Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
