:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
