HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
why do cheetos always look like penises
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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