cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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