well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
