That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
