I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i am craving dick and cupcakes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
