I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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