U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
