woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
