Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
