i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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