I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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