You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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