And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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