She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
operation harelip BJ is a go
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
