if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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