Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
