I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
