I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
