whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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