so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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