Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
