She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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