note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
