I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
