When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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