I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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