we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
